New Russian Chronicles
Actually, yeah, let's just call them Bulgarian

feb
20

Mhhh… vous savez, normalement j’utilise un mot pour mes critiques. Juste un mot. Mais… je vais désobéir ma propre norme, comme je l’ai déjà fait une fois, parce que j’ai vu un film dont la critique à besoin… pas de plus d’un mot (comme l’autre fois) mais d’un cri. Un cri de frustration.

Alors, le plus on commence, le plus vite on termine.

Melancholia: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Et bah,voilà. Voilà voilà.

feb
19

Public Service Announcement!!

So, you wanna come to live in Paris. You got a job, you’re a student. And you have already started to hear about the horrors of accommodation in Paris. They have told you already that you have to go through agencies that have you by the balls, and have guarantors. People who sign for you.

But wait, you are in deep shit! Either your French is not great and you do not know how to talk to these people agencies, or you know nobody, even less someone who’d trust you enough to sign for you, and shit, your cousin who is in Germany does not under or to sign for itself really. And the agencies don’t want to deal with foreigners (this one’s true), everything seems lost, man, you’ll die in a … NO!

It’s not like that at all. The little hyperbole has served to explain that the situation is not hopeless.
Do they exist, then, people who will offer you normal appartments, without asking for a ton paperwork and money?
Yeah man, they do exist, the world at your feet!

That said, only if just know where to look, and that’s the purpose of this post. This is a problem that I found in Paris many times and I learned from experience to solve. And now I’ll spare you stress and work :)

Go to appartager.com

There are other similar sites, all I can say is that this one was the best in 2005 and 2007.
Register to one of these sites and pay 20 or so euros for the quarterly privileged member access. It’s REALLY worth the money. Everything for the people who have do not have guarantors or a pile of money. A little research and you’ll find nice roommates and good apartments.

I hope it helps you in your research. Try it, you won’t regret it!

feb
18

Ok, people, this is a Public Service Announcement:

Alors, tu veux venir à vivre à Paris. T’as du boulot, t’es étudiant. Et on t’a déjà commencé à raconter les horreurs du logement à Paris. On t’a dit déjà que tu dois passer par des agences qui t’ont par les couilles, et avoir des garants. Des gens qui signent pour toi.

Mais attends, t’est dans la merde! Ou bien ton français n’est pas super et tu sais pas comment parler à ces gens des agences, ou bien tu connais personne et t’as peu de sous, et merde, ton cousin qui est en Allemagne n’a pas de sous ni pour signer pour lui même vraiment. Tout à l’air perdu, mec, tu creveras dans un… NON!

C’est pas du tout comme ça. La pétite hyperbole m’a servi a expliquer que la situation n’est pas desesperée.
Ça existe, alors, les gens qui vont te proposer des aparts normals, sans te démander de la paperasse? Ouais mec, ça existe, le monde à tes pieds!

Il faut simplement savoir où chercher, et ça, c’est le but de cet post. C’est un problème que j’ai retrouvé à Paris plein de fois et j’ai appris par l’experience à resoudre. Et maintenant je vous épargne stress et travail :)

Allez à appartager.com

Il y a d’autres sites pareils, tout ce que je peux dire c’est que c’était le meilleur en 2005 and 2007.
Je vous reccomende d’aller à un de ces sites et payer les 16 euros de l’abbonnement trimestriel Ça vaut VRAIMENT la peine. La tout est fait pour les gens qui précisement n’ont pas de garants ou un tas de fric. En cherchant un peu tu trouves des collocs sympas et des bons apparts.

J’espère que ça vous aide dans vos recherches. Essayez, vous regretterez pas!

And now, relax and have a laugh

HAHAHAHA

feb
16

Ok guys, this blog is usually all fun and lulz, but let’s take a look at a serious matter for once.

I’m going to speak about economics, and explain to you why we are truly and royally fucked.

Someone asked me on a status “serious question here – in your own personal opinion – what’s the worse that can happen should Greece finally declares bankruptcy?”

My answer was off the cuff, and it was this:

Considering that everyone has Credit Default Swap against everyone else, it is very possible that bankruptcy activates those CDS. That would mean the complete and total destruction of the financial system.

To put it into perspective: A CDS is an insurance against your creditor defaulting on some debt he had with someone else, a third party. That third party might be, say, a sawmill in Malawi, another loans, another bunch of loans… in an extremely convoluted system, where everyone endless chains of debt and CDS to each other. Everyone has millions of those. If you are the only one activating a CDS, you get your money, from a small credit or something. But if everyone activates the CDS at the same time (and everyone would want to be the theoretical first who gets his money) then all the banks are suddenly engaged to pay CDS meaning, all financial banks in the world. implode at the same time. It’s just impossible that everyone has enough money to pay the multypling debt with everyone else.

That would mean we’d be truly and royally fucked, because we depend on the entire production industry (which is another kind of mess of its own, for environmental issues), which in turn depends of the financial industry that dissapeared a moment ago.

But it could well be that maybe that is a better alternative than getting completely screwed by those same banks to avoid this financial nuclear war. Also, all this austerity measures slow economic growth. Which means, more risk of bankruptcy. All “aid” “bailouts” etc just kicks the can down the line.

We are in quite a dire situation my friends. It’s either we are screwed now, we are screwed later when we find ourselves facing the same risk of bankruptcy, or screwed forever, if we keep worsening work conditions, salaries, purchasing power, and completely disrupting the environment. And that’s the other problem, environmental problems aren’t just some far away swamps being poisoned. It’s about the capacity of earth to sustain how many we are, and how well we’ll live. There’s an economical question at the heart of it. As the Stern review proved, even in purely capitalistic terms we would stand to lose from a 5% to a 20% of global GDP if we continue polluting like we do now. Even when you use the same frame of reference as them (growth, GDP, not taking externalities into account) we stand to lose greatly.

And for that, I call for Real Austerity. Maybe they are right in defending austerity. Let’s be serious about it and start by acknowledging the complete bankcruptcy and extreme brokenness of our current international financial system. It will mean hard times, but at least we will be able to do something with it. Anything else is kicking the can down a road with less natural ressources and more pressure factors.

I invite and demand the populations of the world to declare the complete bankcrupty of the international financial system of the present time.

feb
15

Finally, peace has come to the kingdom of Bulgaria. Nothing did the king want more than peace. But peace was elusive, since the king had to finish all those wars of aggressive and unjustified conquest. But now that no weak and easily conquered states remain within his reach, he can enjoy peace for his serfs.


All hail Ioannes Dukas, King of Bulgaria, prince of Tyrnovo, titles titles and count of Serdica!

But peace does not bring about the end of troubles. Insidiously, without any warning a Nervous Fever, the kind that had killed the Athenian leader Pericles and signalled the end of Athenian dominance over the Greek city states so many centuries ago reared its ugly head in Serdica. Not even the children of nobles were spared.

But the epidemic goes away within a year, without grave consecuences, other than making the heir to the throne, Mircea, sick. After his illness, though still an amiable person, he becomes much more retracted, sometimes being swept by fits of rage.

In the meantime, the kingdom builds. Commerce and travellers bring new techniques to the kingdom, and, under royal patronage, a school, dye works, a spinning mill, a windmill and a glass factory are built. Bulgaria builds, and dreams.

A big part of the merit for these constructions is due to Kera Vosivslavjechik, steward of the kingdom. She, undoubtedly, is a very capable woman, and her many investments and wise and honest managment of the kingdom’s coffers bring many riches. But she was not without fault. In many ocassions she earned money for the crown by lying to both the peasants and the burghers of the guilds. In one instance she convinced the local peasants that she was representing the city guilds, and that they refused to pay more than one copper grivna for a fotmal of pumpkins, 10% less of the usual agreed price. She then went to the city guilds and said that she could only sell them 3/4 of the agreed quantity, but for the same price under royal prerogative, claiming the peasants had heard of the love of the queen for pumpkin pie, and given her 1/4 of the harvest. She pocketed the difference and put it in the royal coffers.

This lasted for some months until a representative of the city guilds spoke with the heads of the local peasant community, and screamed to their faces until he lost his breath. Initial confusion, since the peasant didn’t know what he was talking about, gave way to anger. Two different angry mobs gathered in front of the royal palace asking for justice and the king, fearing a revolt, favored the peasants’ demands. As he said to a close advisor, if the peasants had revolted he would have had to kill a lot more people.

Some months later, during the summer, Demetrios of Byzantion sought an alliance with Bulgaria. The emperor was caught in yet another bloody war with the Seljuk dinasty, and the very future of the empire was on question, so it is no surprise that he wanted to secure his rear borders. Although no great artist, the king, after some hours penched over some blank parchements was able to draw a very convincing fist, with but the central finger extended.

He was about to send the parchement to Byzancion when his advisors caught wind of this and convinced him to be reasonable. Even if the Empire lost the war, they would still be strong enough to thoroughly transmit kinetic energy from the emperor’s leg onto Ioannes rear end. And so, an alliance was forged, to the piece of mind of both rulers.

Shortly after, the emperor asked for assistance in his wars against the Seljuks and their vassals. The declaration of war was more a simbolic gesture than a real threat. Both rulers knew that Bulgaria was too far away, and his troops too few to be of any real influence in this war. Since the declaration of war was of no consequence for Bulgaria, the King sent a very angry letter to the Seljuks.

This period was known as “The phony wars”.
It is noteworthy to mention that Ioannes vassal, the count of Mesembria, did take enthusiastic part in those wars, sending his large army to help the byzantines, and was rewarded with lands in Sinjar, near Mosul.

Amongst the more interesting events of the period was the vassalization of Dyrrachion. The dukedom had declared independence of Byzantion taking advantage of the war, but they knew full well they wouldn’t survive alone.

They were also aware that one of their counties was considered to be Bulgarian territory, and that Bulgaria didn’t demand an excessive scutage, as Byzantion did to pay for the war. And so, before Ioannes started coveting the weak dukedom, they asked Ioannes to be their liege. One more county of rightful Bulgarian lands comes to Bulgaria, Styrimon.

Meanwhile, trouble was brewing in the court. One morning, Mircea, heir to the throne, demanded to be given the post of Spymaster. Although he was a talented diplomat, when it came to intrigue he would be liable to mix his ass and his elbow. For respect or fear, though, no one in court had told him so.

No one, however, doubted why he asked for the position. It was to spite his wife, Anna. She was an extremely intelligent and skilled woman, who had served faithfully as Spymaster. But despite the admonishements of the Court’s Bishop to her and his father’s advice to him, they had never managed to get along well. The entire court pretended not to hear the screams that echoed the chambers of the palace at night, and would ignore the bruises in Anna’s face during the day.

Ioannes flatly told his son that we would in time become the kingdom’s Chancellor, but that he would never be Spymaster. Not used to not having his way, he fell into depression. Later on, his brother Kosmas, more competent than his brother but worse diplomat, asked to be made steward. This was, however, just a spell of seriousness from his life of carousing. The refusal didn’t affect him particularly, and soon he sobered up from his seriousness and got drunk again. The easy life of the second in the line of succession!

For years after that, life followed its natural course in court. The king would confer with his advisors in the morning, spend some hours acting as a judge and, once a month, he’d survey the buildings in construction. Nothing disturbed the peace of the kingdom until that fateful night.

One night, the court couldn’t ignore the screams of Anna anymore. One discussion that started like any other grew more and more violent, and the noise of thrown objects disturbed even the sleep of the king. That was the same night that some thieves entered into the castle, probably aided by someone amongst the service, and stole some chandeliers from the main hall, and a tapestry. This wouldn’t have had much relevance, if it wasn’t because, in the small hours of the night, a brief silence overtook the corridors, broken shortly after by Anna’s shrieks, calling for the guards.

The guards found Anna trembling near a corner, terrified and covered in much blood. One look at the situation gave them much to gossip later, but upon seeing the dead body lying on the floor, all the guards could think of was how deep in trouble they were.

The heir to the throne was dead.

The news greatly upset the court. Anna was put under arrest in the palace’s cells, and the king spent two days locked in his room. The servants, in lowered tones, whispered of him crying.

When he came out he was a changed man. His first order was to bring Anna to his presence and hold a fair trial. During the trial, the young woman explained how Mircea had exited the room where they were arguing, and came face to face with the thieves, who stabbed him and fled. She claimed that if blood covered her clothes it was because she had tried to assist the wounds of her unloved husband. She also said that, of the attack, she had only seen the fleeing lowlifes, and of the blade that had killed Mircea, nothing. No one was there to bear witness about that, since the thieves had been cut down by the palace guards. All depended on the decision of the king.

For more than 15 minutes, the bloodshot eyes of the king stared at Anna, while the court observed the heaviest and most complete of silence. Finally, in a croaking, dry voice, he absolved her daughter-in-law.

The king was never the same. He became curt in his answers and sparse in his speech, and old age seemed to have overtaken him suddenly. He never again addressed Anna, other than for matters of the kingdom. No more balls or celebrations were held in court, and all communication between courtiers seemed to be done in whispers. Whispers that, very often, commented on how the king had probably spared the murdering woman’s life, since she was so useful as advisor. Other voices spoke of the malchance of the dead heir. Yet other spoke of how the king had preferred his younger son Kosmas, and how Mircea had it coming for beating his wife. The undisputed first casualty of the murder, though, was truth.

The death of the king, with little surprise to everyone, came barely a year later. One morning he was found in his bed, his fists clenched and a bitter expression on his face, the expression that he had carried from that fateful day

The king is dead.

Long live the king!
Long live the king!

feb
11

Ok, so I had promised this story long ago and finally I’m going to go ahead and tell it.

Guess who’s coming to dinner

During my first year in Russia I had different next door neighbors. It was inevitable, since it was a dorm with a high turnover. One day I had some Italian kids, another day I had a mixture of Basque, Italian and Slovenian, and one day I ended up having a crazy italian drug dealer as next door neighbor. But that’s a story for another day.

One month I had four extremely pretty Slovak girls as my next door neighbors. They were nice, we got along well, they did a lot of party. One of them claimed to be a lyrical singer, and my girlfriend at the time and I, one night we were very drunk, totally asked her to sing. We joked about that episode for years afterwards, so bullshity her singing was.
Also, one of them had a mobile phone that could take pictures. And she had used it to take pictures of her daughter. Yeah she had a kid, and her marriage was kind of particular. And she was showing me those pictures when, to my great surprise…

No wait, that’s not the story I wanted to tell. Let’s just say, since I do not want to tell that story, that If you have different kinds of pictures in your mobile phone, please organize them in different dossiers. Specially if you don’t want me to see them. (Though maybe that was the point?).

Anyway, back to the Slovak girls.

People’s friendship

Essentially, when they arrived, it took them something between 357 and 4590 Planck intervals to find themselves a boy to pass time with for the month. “People’s friendship” we used to call it, but that’s for another post.

One of the girls found herself a Turk. I knew the guy, he was a really nice guy. He had, and I kid you not, literally saved the finger of my then girlfriend from amputation. I promise. You don’t make up that shit.

And so, they merrily enjoyed their time in Russia, both during the day and during the night.

When you stare at the mosh pit…

Ok, the mess hall. The mess hall in my students’ dorm in Russia was really something. It was dirt cheap and the swings in quality of the food were awesome to see (but not to taste). You could go from fantastic, rock hard pelmeny one day to fish coated in sand. I freaking mean it. You know how things are coated in breadcrumbs? Imagine you do that with sand you took at a construction site. I’ve eaten that. Yes.
Not to mention the cockroaches. Did you know that Russian cockroaches are blond, not black? Of course, they are Russian. How often did we…

All passengers please disembark from this train of thought!

But the really cool thing about the mess hall is that every Tuesday, Friday and Saturday the tables were put aside and it became a… how could I call it? A pub? A discotheque? A clearing house for sex and debauchery?
No, I think the best term is… a Cathedral of Techno Hardcore Trance.

Come on, listen to it. Revel in it. Click here.

Striding confidently past the gates of hell

That night I had decided to temper the steel of my heavy metal heart on the searing flames of that temple of abominable techno. Black t-shirt, cowboy boots… and down I went.

I entered the venue and took a face. The regularse where there. Ravers flailing their arms and legs wildly to the primal rythms of bad quality russian techno. In the sides, lined with chairs, people drinking, resting their legs, making conversation above the extremely loud music.
Ok, let’s make a pause here. How did people have conversation there?
I always imagined that it was something like this:

-HEY, DO YOU COME HERE OFTEN?
-FROM HUNGARY, AND YOU?
-YEAH, I’M ON THE FOURTH FLOOR
-WELL, I GO BACK HOME IN MARCH

On one corner, I spot the Slovak and the Turk, passionately making out. My mind briefly registers their location and moves on. The night was long.

Love… bites.

Not 30 seconds later, in the middle of the throng and bathed in sound waves, I heard it. An almost inhuman scream coming from deep within someone’s lungs. To this day I remain utterly convinced that THAT is how it sounds, when someone is being stabbed to death. It is a scream that will haunt my nights forever, soundtrack perennely scorched somewhere among my neurons…

My first reaction was to look around. I was sure someone had been stabbed in the gut, and you know what? Knowing that place I lived in, it wouldn’t have surprised me in the least.

And then I saw the girl, still sitting, looking vaguely shocked and very drunk. But where was the Turk?
He was on the floor, holding his neck, bleeding and screaming like a madman.

The poor guy probably thought he was going to get a love bite, and he was cool with that. Little did he know he was going to get a critical hit by a very, very drunk girl, who didn’t judge correctly the strength applied to the bite. She had excellent teeth too.

Moral of the story: If you drink… don’t bite. That guy did lose a lot of blood.

And you know what surprised me most? The nurse of the dorm. I have never, ever seen anyone so inured.

feb
01

Is there any movie in the universe better than Ghostbusters? No, no there isn’t. Except Ghostbusters II. And Indiana Jones. And Jurassic Park.

And that’s the problem with writing a blog, and of thinking in general. Every time you take a train of thought, you don’t know where it will take you. So sit down comfortably, let me take you on a ride. I swear to Richard Stallman that I was just going to write the first sentence, right up until the question mark. Then I thought… well, there’s Ghostbusters too. And Indy. And Jurassic park.

Then it all went south.

Because at that moment I thought of something I associated a long, long time ago with Jurassic Park.
Juranal Park.

The link is there so that you know I didn’t invent it.

So why the crap am I mentioning an old 1993 porn film that NO ONE remembers about? Because I was once travelling by coach with all my school friends. It was a school trip, I think the same one when we composed a cover of the Goldeneye music, and changed the lyrics, so that they spoke about WC cleaning products.
No, you don’t want to know, and I understand.

So yeah, we stopped at a service station and they had a VHS of that porn film, Juranal park. The name suggests it’s about anal, but I haven’t watched it and I don’t like anal, so there. xD

It could all end there, you know. A train of thought that derails, several wounded, one critical, some bruises. But NOOOOOOOOOOOO, I had to go and google that title, see what came up. Well, there’s actually a piece of it in the internet, and lightning strike me if it isn’t the funniest shit.

I wish I could explain it, just look at it yourself.
Juranal Park

The thing is, I can’t care any less about the porn. Fucking PLASTIC DINOUSAURS?? Genius.
Blantant and stupid placing of other products? Hilarious
Deliberately stupid lines? It’s like they are taking the piss off themselves!!

Seriously, imagine how much fun these bunch of people had recording this incredibly shitty porn movie loosely based on some hit movie of the time. These people had an amazing sense of humour and probably had a lot of fun doing this movie!! (except the sex, that probably felt like dreary work. Upside down world, huh?).

And the biggest problem is that probably no one freaking noticed! I mean you look at the cover and what do you see?

Pictured: a serious (and completely unremarkable) porn title


A bland, completely forgettable porn movie cover.
And if you consider that, probably, people who had that movie just skipped to the hardcore parts it turns out the masterpiece of humour that is this movie went completely unnoticed! How freaking SAD is that??

But then, it’s understandable, it’s not generally accepted that you could possibly advertise a porn movie by pointing out how much silly gigling and outright laughing out loud you’ll do when watching it. Also, nowadays you don’t advertise porn at all.
A freaking shame, innit?

It’s a shame, and that is what this post has ended up being: a remembrance of all those great people, unsung heroes, that enjoyed their work, didn’t take themselves seriously and, above all, had phun.

I salute you, cast and crew of Juranal Park.

Ninja edit: Don’t forget to pay attention to the fascinating bass line that makes up the whole of the soundtrack. Nobel prize material for music, right there. [/irony]

ene
19

This is important, people. This could seriously threaten the internet. If these pass, we’ll be in a much more totalitarian world.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:SOPA_initiative/Learn_more

La primera noche
ellos se acercan y cogen una flor
de nuestro jardín,
y no decimos nada.
La segunda noche
ya no se esconden
pisan las flores,
matan nuestro perro
y no decimos nada.
Hasta que un día
el más frágil de ellos
entra sólo en nuestra casa,
nos roba la luna, y
conociendo nuestro miedo
nos arranca la voz de la garganta.
Y porque no dijimos nada
ya no podemos decir nada

- Vladimir Maiakovski

The first night
They draw near
And pick a flower from our garden.
And we don’t say anything.
The second night,
Now openly, they
Stomp the flowers, kill our dog,
And we don’t say anything.
Until one day
The weakest of them
Enteres our house alone
Steals the moon from us and,
Knowing our fear,
Fetches our voices from our throats
And because we said nothing
We no longer can say anything.

- Vladimir Mayakovsky

ene
11

Götterdammerung

Alors, que est-ce que tu fais si tu comptes déménager et tourner la page d’une énorme (même, la plus importante) partie de ta vie?

Eh beh, bien évidemment tu commences par trier le bouquins que tu comptes donner au mec à la fontaine St. Michel qui prend tous les livres que Gibert Jaune n’achète pas. Ah, tu le connaissais pas ? Ouais, si un jour tu passes par là-bas et Gibert Jaune n’achète pas ton « manuel statistique corrigé sur l’incidence du bonnet breton dans les relations commerciales Franco-Italiennes » alors il y a toujours quelqu’un à la sortie pour prendre tes livres. Bon, pas toujours, si tu vois un tas de livres derrière l’arrêt de bus là-bas ça veut dire qu’ils ne sont pas là. Faudra attendre le matin pour qu’ils prennent ces tas.

Mais oui, enfin, il y a au moins deux types. L’un te dit toujours qu’il va vendre ces livres au nom d’un association caritative. L’autre te dit toujours que c’est pour le vendre et tirer profit lui, et qu’il compte pas mentir, ce n’est pas pour une assos, et que au moins tu te débarrasses du poids mort, tout le monde gagne.

Bref, si on veut aller traiter avec ces deux charmants gentlemen et faire une donation de livres, si on veut démonter ça vie et la voire réduite à quelques boîtes en carton, il faut un plan.

Le mien est simple. D’abord j’ai crée une première catégorie de livres, ceux que je suis sure que je compte donner. Ces livres que je sais que je lirai pas.

Après j’ai fait une autre catégorie, appelée « Allez, ça aussi doit partir ». Après celle-la, il y a la catégorie « Non, mais, soyons serieux, ça et ça je lirai pas non plus ». Au fil de la catégorisation il devrait apparaître un tas de livres que on pourra aller donner à notre ami à la fontaine St. Michel.

Après il ne reste que faire la même chose avec autres groupes de choses. Les fringues, les posters, les appareils électroniques….

Les exception sont les cadeaux des ex (il y a un four pour ça) et les meubles. Alors, les meubles,c’est une histoire subtile. Si le prochain locataire les veut, je pourrait bien le filer et ça me déchargera de problèmes. Mais peut être je suis obligé à les démonter avec un tournevis.

Mon tournevis. J'étais en train de démonter un meuble.

Mon tournevis. J'étais en train de démonter un meuble.

Plus sérieusement, ouais, faudra les démonter et les donner, peut être.

Et tout ça, pourquoi ? Comment j’ai arrivé à ça ? Et penser que je me vantais dans le passé d’être toujours léger, de déménager tout seul à l’aide d’une seule course en taxi. Penser que je n’ai jamais fait appel à des potes pour déménager.
Ce qui est arrivé c’est simplement que je vive depuis 4 ans dans le même endroit. Et alors, sans même que je le remarque un jour j’ai commencé à posséder des meubles.

Aaaah the trappings of ownership.

Mais bon. C’est jamais trop tard pour sortir le tournevis et regagner légèreté d’esprit et de bagage.

Ah, par ailleurs…. Götterdämmerung is how I feel right now.
——————————————————————————-
El topo – la taupe – Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy

I think my last review was too short, that film does deserve to be expanded upon.

You know what, I’m going to go ahead and say it : No one liked it, but I did.

Let’s start with the obvious , it’s a very well thought out film, the actors are first class etc.etc. Then why is it failing to catch the audiences ? Because it’s slow, dense and complicated.

To start with the cons, Prideaux’s character is not that fleshed out, but it’s almost a side story in the book, and it was not an easy storyline to commit to film. Also, Smiley’s character is famous for cleaning his glasses with his tie and he doesn’t do that in the movie. Also, why the crap did they set Prideaux Misson in Hungary? It was Czechoslovakia in the book. What, Americans are too dumb to know about Prague? True fans be hatin’ I’m sure.

But the main criticism is this : Ok.yes, I admit it myself, even though I like it. The film doesn’t really flow, it crawls. There’s so much detail (and so much of it is difficult to notice if you don’t know were to look) that it can overwhelm regular viewers, specially those who haven’t read the book.

An exemple : right out of the cinema, my mother’s first question (echoed by everyone else but my dad) was « Ok so…. who was the bad guy ? »

But I’d raher advise to treat this films as the complicated masterpiece it is. You have to like the genre and be patient with slow movies. If you are, you are in for a treat.

The acting is incredible. But what’s really incredible is that they’ve managed to really reflect most of the intrincate detail of the book. The spy operations in particular.
Because, you see, that’s the essential lesson to be understood from this film : spy operations are usually boring and bland. Crap, even the british spy infiltrating the british secret service to obtain information and convince the reluctant administration is tense, but not exciting. Because that’s what spycraft is, patience, attention to small details, cold blood… and absent from this list, action, firefights, glamour and easy chicks.

Although there is one girl… the Russian spy that defects for love, only to follow the young, brash British headhunter that totally derelicts duty for her love. Man is she pretty. One of the highlights of the film.

ene
03

Last year I went to see this movie. Expectations where high. Think about this: the BEST EVER Spy novel, in a high budget production with all the best current british actors. Recipee for massive sucess, crash and burn, or for-fans-only movie.

The result? You decide, I won’t tell you how to think. But! I have a cinema review to make.

Tinker Taylor Soldier Spy:
Concentration

:) Anyway, yeah, if you were thinking of going I hope my review helps.

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