New Russian Chronicles
Surviving monotaxocausofilia

Juranal park

Is there any movie in the universe better than Ghostbusters? No, no there isn’t. Except Ghostbusters II. And Indiana Jones. And Jurassic Park.

And that’s the problem with writing a blog, and of thinking in general. Every time you take a train of thought, you don’t know where it will take you. So sit down comfortably, let me take you on a ride. I swear to Richard Stallman that I was just going to write the first sentence, right up until the question mark. Then I thought… well, there’s Ghostbusters too. And Indy. And Jurassic park.

Then it all went south.

Because at that moment I thought of something I associated a long, long time ago with Jurassic Park.
Juranal Park.

The link is there so that you know I didn’t invent it.

So why the crap am I mentioning an old 1993 porn film that NO ONE remembers about? Because I was once travelling by coach with all my school friends. It was a school trip, I think the same one when we composed a cover of the Goldeneye music, and changed the lyrics, so that they spoke about WC cleaning products.
No, you don’t want to know, and I understand.

So yeah, we stopped at a service station and they had a VHS of that porn film, Juranal park. The name suggests it’s about anal, but I haven’t watched it and I don’t like anal, so there. xD

It could all end there, you know. A train of thought that derails, several wounded, one critical, some bruises. But NOOOOOOOOOOOO, I had to go and google that title, see what came up. Well, there’s actually a piece of it in the internet, and lightning strike me if it isn’t the funniest shit.

I wish I could explain it, just look at it yourself.
Juranal Park

The thing is, I can’t care any less about the porn. Fucking PLASTIC DINOUSAURS?? Genius.
Blantant and stupid placing of other products? Hilarious
Deliberately stupid lines? It’s like they are taking the piss off themselves!!

Seriously, imagine how much fun these bunch of people had recording this incredibly shitty porn movie loosely based on some hit movie of the time. These people had an amazing sense of humour and probably had a lot of fun doing this movie!! (except the sex, that probably felt like dreary work. Upside down world, huh?).

And the biggest problem is that probably no one freaking noticed! I mean you look at the cover and what do you see?

Pictured: a serious (and completely unremarkable) porn title


A bland, completely forgettable porn movie cover.
And if you consider that, probably, people who had that movie just skipped to the hardcore parts it turns out the masterpiece of humour that is this movie went completely unnoticed! How freaking SAD is that??

But then, it’s understandable, it’s not generally accepted that you could possibly advertise a porn movie by pointing out how much silly gigling and outright laughing out loud you’ll do when watching it. Also, nowadays you don’t advertise porn at all.
A freaking shame, innit?

It’s a shame, and that is what this post has ended up being: a remembrance of all those great people, unsung heroes, that enjoyed their work, didn’t take themselves seriously and, above all, had phun.

I salute you, cast and crew of Juranal Park.

Ninja edit: Don’t forget to pay attention to the fascinating bass line that makes up the whole of the soundtrack. Nobel prize material for music, right there. [/irony]

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