New Russian Chronicles
Surviving monotaxocausofilia

The unsettling story of the photocopy in Russia

This is a new and experimental format of telling my Russia stories. It’s new and experimental, all edgy and avant-garde.
It’s not that I’m tooting my own horn, it’s just that *TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT*

Cody dice:
So that means you’re in Paris at the moment?
Paul dice:
yes! 🙂
for a while, though
travelling for work the next two weeks
Cody dice:
Still working for… the UN wasn’t it?
Paul dice:
specialized agencies of the UN, not the UN per se, but that’s splitting eyebrows
Cody dice:
*nods*
Paul dice:
you ?
Still selling Arcos? 😉
Cody dice:
This might sound really awful, but one day something really bad is going to happen to you. Then some hot-shot director is just going to think themselves “YES, PERFECT MOVIE”. Then Pablo will be a big summer flick. XD
The new james bond?
Paul dice:

The poor interpreter who saves the day from russian terrorists by boring them to tears with confucian philosophy ?
Cody dice:
Especially after that one time you were nearly shot at by russians
I’d watch that.
XD
Paul dice:
yeah, I guess!
Oh, I had told you that story ??
xD I have many more like that one xD
Cody dice:
Yeah, it’s honestly one of my favourites.
Paul dice:
Did I tell you the one about the strange story of the photocopy?
Or the day I decided to leave Russia?
Cody dice:
No!
Paul dice:
The first is kinda sexy, the second, very bloody
Cody dice:
But I’m all ears at this point XD
I get a bed-time story from Pablo? *gasp*
*prepares hot chocolate*
Paul dice:
yessssssss 😀
so which story you want?
Cody dice:
I have to decide?
Photocopy sounds good
Leaving russia sounds like a better conclusion XD
Paul dice:
well…. I’ll save the other for another time. Thing is, I gotta work too after the story. Ok so… it was my first week in the russian dorm from hell and it was 8pm and I needed a photocopy of a doc for next day, and I had forgotten but I remembered that some iraquis had a photocopy machine. Now, those iraquis, which I had met in a previous visit to the place were very nice people, and had an extremely sad story: When Saddam came to power they were in the dorm and they couldn’t go back to Iraq…. so they had spent +30 years in that dorm from hell. Can you imagine that? Organizing your adult life (they had kids) in dorm from hell, in an extremely hostile country?
Cody dice:
Ouch… Crazy. Makes me glad to live in a place as stable as Australia to be quite frank XD
Paul dice:
🙂 I know what you mean
Spain used to be stable and all, but we are going back to the third world this year 😦 and I wish I was joking…
anyway
I had a vague memory that these guys lived at the 10th floor, room 11th
so there I went, and I knocked on the door.
The door opens…………….
(chan chan!)
Cody dice:
o_o
Paul dice:
And an extremely beautiful Russian girl opens the door.
Maybe it’s a relevant detail that all she had in manner of clothing was a towel?
Cody dice:
Mmm nice. This story is kind of sexy
Paul dice:
So I start stammering
“You see… I need… huh… I want…”
(in bad russian btw)
So she takes me hand, says “Don’t worry sweety” and pulls me inside
but not like suggest it or pulls me inside gently
it was like I was being sucked into her room.
So I keep trying “No, but I need…”
and she’s all like “I know, I know, just relax”

seriously, my biggest worry is that you think I’m making this up, but I swear I’m not.
Cody dice:
XD
A good story told well is all that matters. Whether it’s true or made up doesn’t change that fact.
Paul dice:
xD that’s also true
I admit I ornament some stories xD
so finally I just pull my hand from her grip
(when we were already by her bed) <– BY, not ON.
and say: "But what I need is a photocopy!!!"
Now… have you ever been looked at like a psychopath?
Cody dice:
All the time XD
Paul dice:
Like if you were about to pull a knife on your conversation partner and kill them?
Well, for me it was the first time
So she looks at me for a second, hesitating whether she should scream or lunge for sth heavy
Cody dice:
*laughs*
Paul dice:
When finally i see a dawn breaking in her head
Cody dice:
You said the wrong thing in russian didn’t you?
Paul dice:
(note: fat lot of good screaming would have done)
No, I said exactly what I meant: “I want a photocopy”
That’s the worst part!
Cody dice:
Obviously a photocopier killed her father
Paul dice:
But then she realized what I meant and said: “OOOOoooh!! You are looking for the arabs that live a floor above!!!”
Cody dice:
XD!
Smooth move Bond, Pablo Bond.
Paul dice:
xD What do you want? I was totally not expecting that, and being a john is NOT my thing
Cody dice:
*laughs* It’s a great story, never-the-less. XD

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2 comentarios to “The unsettling story of the photocopy in Russia”

  1. oh shiz…..

  2. And it’s all true.


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